Our Love theme last month got some attention, especially when we chatted with Lisa Kenny about living with her partner. So, we jumped at the opportunity to talk with another young couple about their living situation!
While there are some couples who decide to skip this step and remain ‘apartners’ forever (yes, that’s a thing), living with your significant other unlocks a new level of intimacy. Conflict can arise when you find little (or big) things to get annoyed with, but the transition can also reveal qualities about your partner that will make you fall deeper in love.
You also save money on ride sharing apps, as we learn below.
We caught up with Sapphire Woods and Karina Ramos one month after settling into their Toronto love nest, where they revealed the keys to balancing responsibilities, blending their styles and being authentic in their shared space.
Newinhomes.com (NIH): So why did you decide to move in together?
Karina Ramos (KR): We talked about it a lot and going back and forth from (Sapphire’s) apartment to mine didn’t make sense.
Sapphire Woods (SW): We were spending extra money on TTC and Uber. It was also annoying having to remember to always bring this and that. Like, if we forgot something, what was going to happen? What if I didn’t bring enough underwear? It was more of an inconvenience that got in the way of something that we prioritize, which is routine and structured and being able to fit in rest.
NIH: What was the transition like?
KR: Before moving in, we were around each other so often that we got to see what we were getting ourselves into.
SW: We were working together…
KR: We were sleeping together, eating together, and cleaning together. We were doing all of those things before we actually moved in.
SW: So it came very naturally. I didn’t have to instruct (Karina) on how I prefer things. We were picking up so quickly on how to meet each other’s short and long term needs: emotional needs, the needs around what home looks like, how it’s going to be comfortable for both of us.
NIH: Any concerns beforehand?
KR: I’m very clean and I’m not saying that Sapphire isn’t but I was worried about that. At her apartment she had other roommates, so I thought, ‘This could be Sapphire or this could be the other two people that are living here.’
SW: I was nervous about alone time. I am such an introvert so I was nervous about having to share space; what it was going to be like to have to talk to someone every morning, when I wasn’t used to waking up and having that be a thing. But (Karina) is a good person to wake up to. They make me want to wake up. I quickly got over that nervous feeling. Now I don’t feel like I’m pushed to be social with them all the time. I still get my alone time and my rest.
NIH: What challenges have you encountered since moving in together?
SW: Temperature is a big thing.
KR: It is a big thing. It has been a big thing since the beginning.
SW: I hate the cold.
KR: I can’t stand being warm. I can’t do it. It makes me really angry. But because you and I are intentional in what we do, all the stuff that we figured out was through communication. We talked about every single thing. And to this day, we talk about every single thing, including the fact that the window is slightly open right now but the heat is on high. We compromise. We’re making it work.
NIH: Have you had to compromise style-wise?
SW: Our style is similar. And I’m actually much more of a collector so having to downsize has been beneficial, since Karina is a minimalist. That’s been a sweet style adjustment. But aesthetically, we both appreciate ‘comfortable yet chic.’
NIH: What advice would you give to couples considering moving in together?
SW: Don’t gender your responsibilities in your home. Don’t enforce a gendered role on your partner and onto yourself.
KR: That’s where resentment comes in.
SW: We live in a non-gendered way and that’s super important in how we care for each other.
KR: Make sure your communication is on point.
SW: Talk about your social locations openly before moving in with your partner. Identify the way that society puts different roles and conceptions on gender and whether or not you want to keep those when you move in or if you want to disrupt them by talking about how to take care of each other and actively removing gender from that.
Important advice for an important step! Thank you again to Sapphire and Karina for their honesty and advice. If you are ready to move in with your partner, start the search for your new home onNewinhomes.com!